Revenge of the Watermelon and More

He was barreling down a hot dust choking dirt road, in a gutted out bus filled with home furnishings. He could only drive about thirty-five miles an hour, because washouts, ruts, and occasional downed-trees, were more the exception than not.

The only thing he could think of, was how much he'd give -- to have something cold to drink. It didn't matter what beverage, it just had to be cold. Three weeks of driving ten to twelve hours a day, and they still had over a thousand miles to Tegucigalpa, Honduras. To his relief, a small town appeared ahead, the man who hired him in the the lead bus, signaled that they were stopping before they crossed the border from Mexico into Guatemala.

That was the exact moment that he fell in love, because in a road-stand nearby, there was a woman with two of the largest and juiciest looking melons, he'd ever seen. We're not talking about a voluptuous young woman, it was an old woman behind the counter. She wasn't selling the watermelons, she was making homemade Agua de Sandia. More Importantly, she clearly had hilo -- ice.

At that moment, he didn't care if the eccentric ex-pat that hired him to do this job got mad. He was disobeying orders by getting out of the bus and he was going to get some of what she made. Nor, did he care about warnings in regards to having hilo made from local water.

This was the best day ever, because he managed to drink an entire pitcher of iced concoction before they left for the border crossing. To this West Virginia hillbilly, food is love, and good food (and drink) are the measure of it. No price would have been too high to pay, the day he discovered the delight of Agua de Sandia.

There were problems with both bandits and a series of mini-wars of sorts, were going on at the time of this trip -- between the Guatemalans, the Nicaraguans, and the Colombians. As they crossed over the the Guatemalan side, the ex-pat informed him that a solider armed with a machine gun would be riding with him, just as the combatant hopped on board. The machine gun was almost as big as he was, and certainly looked older.

This unexpected passenger didn't disturb him as much as, the parting instructions, "Whatever you do, do not stop this bus until we get to the other border crossing. Don't stop even if I stop, just keep on going. Don't stop for any reason!"

Maybe his wife was right, about not going off to a foreign country when he didn't speak the language. Maybe his wife was right, that it was fool-hearty to hire on to do this job. He'd never laid eyes on the ex-pat before the day he was offered the job at an auction. Maybe his wife was right, that the guy could be smuggling something illegal. No time to worry about that now, as the other bus went roaring off before he could even get his bus started.

He had no map, he had no knowledge of the country, the customs, the language, or the road. They weren't one hundred miles down that cliffhanger of a road, when he first heard a familiar unwelcoming sound. A few miles later, the sounds were getting so loud, that the soldier tapped him on the shoulder. The soldier turned around and came back with an empty five gallon bucket that had once been in the back of the bus. He pleaded with his eyes, as he took over the wheel of the moving bus.

For the entire way across Guatemala, my husband was glued to that five gallon bucket in one position or another -- completely at the mercy of his stomach, his bowels, and a child soldier now driving the bus. He'd never heard of Montezuma's revenge, so to hear him tell the tale -- it's all about watermelon revenge. That said, it has not lessened his love of any recipe that has watermelons in them.

Like my husband, pretty much the whole world has a love affair with melons of one variety or another. Here are some watermelon and melon knowledge samplings.

Common melons worth knowing are:

• Big and Juicy variety of watermelon
• American Beauty cantaloupe
• Sun Jewel melons
• Green Sweetie honeydews
• Golden Midget heirloom watermelons
• Casaba
• Charentais French cantaloupes
• Sharlyne melons
• Little John Canary melons (a.k.a. Juan Canary)
• Kiwano Jelly Belly melons (a.k.a. horned melon)
• Golden Goose Pepino melons
• Crenshaw cantaloupes

There several ways to approach the proper storage of whole watermelons:

• Store them at room temperature (preferably in air conditioning).
• Watermelons should keep for a week.
• Don't store too long as they will lose flavor and texture.
• Once the watermelon has been cut, be sure to wrap any remaining melon in plastic wrap for putting in the bottom of your refrigerator.
• It will only keep in the refrigerator for a couple of days before it starts to break down in flavor and texture.
• Also, remember the colder your refrigerator, the faster your watermelon will become tasteless.
• You cannot freeze them, as they will turn to mush when thawed.
• You can, however, freeze watermelon cubes and balls and make other frozen watermelon recipes

What do squares and pyramids have in common -- the Japanese farmer. While it is a lucrative produce in Japan to grow, about twenty-five years ago, Japanese farmers were trying to solve a problem with storage and shipping melons, when they came up with the idea to grow square watermelons.

Melons take up space both on the grocery shelf and in refrigerators. They accomplish this by slipping plastic boxes (sleeves) around the melons when they first start out on the vine. For the Japanese market, the boxes are exactly a dimension that will fit in their refrigerator shelves.

More recently, Japanese farms are growing pyramid shape and novelty shaped melons -- all for the sole purpose of being unusual and to fetch high dollars that people in that country pay for specialty fruit. It might be fun to try to grow a homemade version in next years garden.

Since the Egyptians clearly knew about watermelons and depicted them on walls more than five thousand years ago, it's safe to say that people have been enjoying melons for a very long time. Records indicate that watermelons were appearing on tables in America before 1615.

No doubt they are here to stay. Today, watermelons and other melons are largely exported by China. The United States is fourth in melon production both for home and export.

Currently we hear a lot of buzz about citrulline (another new word to the American vocabulary), and an even lesser known word called arginine. What do these have to do with watermelons?

Now, it seems my husband knew about these concepts instinctively, (without ever hearing the words) as often happens, with deep thinking and slow moving old farm boys. There's a scientific reason behind his life long love affair with watermelons and other melons -- scientists are now saying eating them has similar effects to taking Viagra. At least that's his excuse as to why I need to go to the store and buy him one for after dinner dessert.

Citrulline, which is in the flesh and rind of watermelons -- reacts inside the human body's enzymes (when consumed in large quantities) and changes into arginine, an amino acid. The arginine is beneficial to the heart, circulatory, and immune systems. In turn, the arginine boosts the body's nitric oxide, which makes blood vessels relax, similar to Viagra's effects. The catch is, that eating water melon isn't so organ targeting as the Viagra.

It's up for debate in this household, whether or not we'll be doing any long term scientific studies on this topic. For now, I'm just going to enjoy the fact that watermelon is healthy for everyone. It also is a good lo-cal choice for many and a good alternative to sweets.

Just for a little side trip, here is a tip for those of you who like to camp, hunt, fish, or otherwise commune with nature far from civilization. Take along a watermelon or two. The good news is that you dont' have to eat them warm, you can have ice cold watermelon anytime you are near any body of cold water.

Just simply remember to take along an extra "fish catch stringer" for each melon. Then, ram the stringer through your melon, tie securely, so it doesn't slip off. Then, place it in the body of cold water (streams and rivers are especially good for this) and forget about it until you are ready to eat the watermelon.

Note: This also works well from a boat when you are not moving. Not recommended for alligator infested waters (from experience). He didn't eat it, but we didn't appreciate his curiosity.

In our household, there is something known as the "Great Seedless Debate." My husband believes very strongly that seedless watermelons are tasteless. My adult daughter won't eat one with seeds. I'm impartial until it comes time for cleanup with the seeded variety.

Always looking for a win-win solution to most problems, I found my answer when I came across instructions for removing seeds from watermelons. Here are the simple rules:

• Cut off both ends of the watermelon
• Next, make parallel cuts about 3 1/2" deep and 4" apart
• Tap the watermelon along one of the parallel cuts (breaks the seed line)
• This line should now, fall slightly lower than the other strips
• Remove this strip
• Done correctly, this should be the seed line of your melon
• With a fork, remove the seeds
• Reserve remainder of this portion for serving
• Discard any mushy or over-ripe parts
• Repeat method for each strip
• Clean seeds off center strip, and again reserve for serving
• Everything else will have no seeds

Note: Takes a little practice but it works well.

To thump or not, now there's a question that has been the topic of another family debate. Naturally, my husband is of the old school of "thumping" his melons.

By my tally, his thumping has netted us about forty, not so good watermelons in the last twenty years. However, he keeps thumping along, listening for something he doesn't hear (especially given he's deaf in his left ear at this age).

A more reliable way to determine if a watermelon is ripe is:

• Pick watermelons that have a clean stem
• Pick watermelons that have a sweet smell
• Pick watermelons that have a nice shine to their skin
• Pick watermelons that have a flat-like creamy or yellow belly

Determining if a cantaloupe is ripe, by:

• Picking cantaloupes with a clean stem
• Picking cantaloupes with a sweet smell
• Picking cantaloupes whose netting is a nice golden color (not green or too white)

Finding out if a honeydew is ripe, by:

• Picking one with a sweet aroma
• Picking one with more of a creamy yellow color than pale green
• Choosing one that weighs five pounds or more (the larger the honeydew, the sweeter the taste)

Cajun families make wine out of about just about anything, so it's only fair that I mention homemade watermelon wine. It was famous among our people long before Tom T. Hall sang, "Old Dogs, Children, and Watermelon Wine." He was right, it's one of the things that makes life living -- at least according to some of the men folk in our family.

I'm not going to share any watermelon wine recipes in this hub, but would like to share the following video I came across, that was excellent for anyone who would wish to make watermelon juice. I've tried his method and it is delicious!

P.S. I didn't buy his bag, I sewed my own, which requires very little sewing knowledge or talent. Furthermore, I don't know anything about his diet or exercise product -- just know a good recipe when I meet one.